I Fooled Them

Tomorrow I'm getting my very first Press Pass.

Oh. Wow.

Now I'd like to use it to beat Frankie's mother over the head. Because she did call me at 5:40 today to tell me about all the things I had to buy at the craft store that closes at 6.

Oh, and the kids needed them yesterday.

Thanks beeyatch.

They Won

The Soccer Girls came home with trophies today but they didn't win a single game of the three game tourney.

It's the Sportsmanship award.

They really did earn it and it delights me more than any performance award would.

Have I mentioned that trophies for everyone annoys the shit outta me?

Overheard

Mr. Nim asserted to me last night:

I would rather be great at what I do than important.

I am hereby condemned to a middle class existence as anyone with half a brain knows that he'll never run a Film Studio with that attitude.

Friday Confession - I'm That Asshole

You know the one who makes parenting decisions and is absolutely certain she's a better Mommy/Disciplinarian/Cook/Hostess/Housewife than you are.

Well, I know I'm really good at most of those things but typically I don't tell people that in my real life.

'Cept there was this dinner the other night.

And my friend's son brought his Nintendo thingie along to the restaurant and I heard myself saying:

We don't use electronic devices at our dinner table.

I'm wondering if there were itty bitty bitch lines forming at the corners of my mouth.

The Board

Tuesday night I brought up an issue to the local soccer board.

They were prepared to rubber stamp the 50 cents that Herbalife is offering each AYSO region to logo their children.

When I walked in everyone thought I was nuts.

By the end of the meeting there was a unanimous consensus that we would not welcome Herbalife and their logos. In fact many board members will be writing letters to AYSO national.

• My children are not available as billboards (this is totally non negotiable)
  
• The marriage of Children's Sports and the Food Industry is unconscionable
• Herbalife is not the sort of company that anyone in the room would do business with and tossing money at kids' programs won't undo:
• The international fraud claims from within the company
• The hideous ingredients in "children's shakes"
• The COO and his fake resume (morals anyone?)
• The hepatitis
  

Oh I could go on and on because there's so much more but it's just exhausting. I was prepared for a fight and brought no less than 20 peer reviewed journal articles to discuss obesity, marketing, isolated soy proteins (don't let that shit go into your body!), ponzi schemes and the food industry; guess what?

Thirty other board members stopped thinking I was crazy. I think I got them with the hepatitis because I never got to toss in the fact that the shit ass company is run by a group of incompetents who never bothered to double check their COO's credentials.

But seriously folks, I never want to do that again.

*And if you are interested in MLM check out This Guy. If you start thinking Oh that's not my company it's time to stop drinking the Kool Aid and get your money (and life) back.

** If your local region is unsure about selling real estate on your child's shirt do email me at sue.doenim at yahoo dot com. I will forward you the masses of data I have as well a much more coherent bulleted list of generally accepted facts about children and development. If you are in the Los Angeles area I will happily join you in addressing your local board.

A Little Shame

Oh Mommy Bloggers, you know who you are, clean up a little.

I get that you like posting pictures of your kids. Kids play in bedrooms.

Pick up the shit off the floor before you pick up your SLR. I'm really tired of being grossed out by the way some of you live.

See this? This is a messy picture of kids being cute (with a bucket of paint).



See this? This is an indication that you need to clean your house and leave the computer alone.

I Was The Only One Surprised By This

I think I've mentioned already that Sunday was lovely so I wasn't very surprised when the school called at noon today with Adam saying he had an earache.

"Does he have a fever?" I queried.

"No, but he looks puny." Said the receptionist.

"We had a really nice weekend and I have a feeling that he might be angling for a snuggly afternoon so I'd like you to give it another half hour."

They gave him some Tylenol and told him to come back if he still hurt.

At 12:30 the phone rang and I hardly needed to answer it. I was at the school by 12:45 feeling Adam's forehead.

No fever.

"Mom, my right ear hurts a lot I need to be home. But first can I get an apricot and blueberry muffin from Starbucks?" He's smiling at me now from the backseat and no just isn't in my vocabulary for the moment.

We get home and shake the crumbs off. Since the pediatrician's office is closed for lunch from 12 to 2 we have an hour to kill before I can even call for an appointment so I plunk Adam down have a look in his ear.

I have no idea why I'm even bothering to look but I do see a big wad of wax.

Eh, why not?

I have Adam lay down on my bed with his right ear up and I'm going to use tweezers to pull the wax out. He's compliant, I should know at this point that something's fishy.

I pull his skin taught and gently tug at what I assume will be a soft ball of ear wax.

Stunning when it turns white.

Even more stunning when it's a half inch long.

"What is this?!" I exclaim.

"I dunno." Adam's upright now and rubbing his ear. "I can hear everything now."

"It looks like paper. Folded up paper."

"Oh yeah," He sing songs, "Peter and I lost that."

"When?"

"Definately in April."


I am utterly unprepared for parenthood.